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A Paper:

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Opening Paragraph:

Although social recognition and policies regarding sexual assault have mad rapid progress for thirty years, sexual assault is still a significant problem that can harm all people directly or indirectly. Furthermore, sexual assault has been typically recognized as an act of rape by a person the victim does not know – stranger rape. However, in reality 80 to 90% of the offenders were acquaintances to the victims – acquaintance rape (Koss, 1992; Russell, 1982). Early focus on acquaintance rape began in the latter half of the 1970’s by the efforts of feminist researchers related to the anti-rape movement. One of the purposes of the rape-law reform in the 1970’s was dealing with acquaintance rape incidents. The social problem of acquaintance rape came to popular consciousness in the United States in the latter half of the 1980’s. This new awareness was the fruit of many legitimate and empirical social science research projects and the popularization of these projects in the commercial media. Today there is still a low level of social understanding regarding stranger rape, and the social understanding of acquaintance rape is much less. Victims of acquaintance rape face more difficulties in terms of social responses.

Body Paragraph:

Regarding the reason of the contradictory behavior of acquaintance rape victims, the previous studies suggest the following: 1) Victims may be under conditions which can be diagnosed as acute stress disorder (ASD) or posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after the first rape, and when victims bean sexual relations with the offender or were raped again by the same offender (when victims begin relations.) 2) Victims may significantly show avoidance and denial of the experience of the first rape as a defense mechanism, and do not define the first incident as rape or do not recognize the attack happened to her/him when they begin relations and when they re continuously under the same relations (during the relations.) 3) Trauma-related symptoms caused by ASD or PTSD and depression may make victims significantly vulnerable and prevent them from seeking appropriate help from somebody other than the offender. 4) The offenders may appeal to the victim that the offender loves the victim and demands a sexual relationship with the victim after the first rape. 5) Victims may feel that they can ask for help from only the offender because the offender knows what happened, and that the offender is the only source of relief from their painful feelings (Stockholm Syndrome theory and Traumatic Bonding theory.) 6) Victims may unconsciously feel that to have intimate relations is the only solution to deny a rape incident happened to her, to rationalize the first incident as one of acts of love, to avoid another rape by the offender, to attain help and relief, and to follow the offender’s requirement and instructions. 7) Once victims realize and accept the fact that what happened to them was rape, the victims may try to leave the offenders and avoid them.

Instructor Response:

The first thing to keep in mind about this paper is that there is a substantial amount of information given to the reader about the subject of rape victims. The title alone is noteworthy: “Contradictory Behavior of Acquaintance Rape Victims.” Notice how the writer clearly (and carefully) creates a project by specifying what kind of rape victims are the subject of examination in the paper. There is then a heightened sense of purpose for the reader with respect to the paper.

The structure of the paper has a linear quality that addresses each particular aspect that the student intends to study. In each part of the paper the writer is careful to distinguish between “stranger” rape and “acquaintance” rape, and to point out that the emotional and psychological problems of the latter have different consequences. Terms are used (e.g., Stockholm Syndrome) that are developed in the paper, and the writer allows the terms to create an overall impression of acquaintance rape that then leads to the final part of the paper.

Also note how well the student uses the sources in this paper. Each source is used to reinforce a point, and there is a concentrated effort to connect all the sources. The citations are not “strung along” in a random manner, but follow one another in a logical progression that gives coherence and cohesion to each paragraph in the paper.

In terms of structure, the last third of the paper—dealing with contradictory behavior—demonstrates how much mastery the student has over the subject material. The use of statistics strengthens the impact of the paper and reinforces the cause/effect relationship that the student has attempted to examine.

There are some minor ESL errors, but they are minimal and in no way interfere with the meaning of the paper. More important, the paper is fluent; it indicates an ease with the English language and an ability to write on the graduate level about a difficult topic.

 

B Paper:

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Opening Paragraph:

Facing the threat of job loss and seeing others lose their jobs can be a traumatic and bitter experience. This is one reason why many excellent companies do everything possible to avoid layoffs. However, even the most employee-friendly companies may deal with difficult economic conditions by reducing their workforce. Companies therefore have to ensure that they develop appropriate and well thought-out plans before implementing the downsizing and layoff process.

Body Paragraph:

Stage One: Short Range Adjustments

This stage develops from a temporary slowdown in business and is identified by a decrease in short-term revenue forecasts. A company in this stage needs to implement minor cost-reduction measures to match the short-term change. Some of the best practices associated with this stage include:

• Soliciting cost reduction methods from employees
• Instituting a hiring freeze
• Instituting mandatory vacation
• Compressed workweek
• Temporary facility shutdowns
• Salary reduction

Stage Two: Mid Range Adjustments- Secondary Cost Reduction

The need to implement this stage is when the company perceives that the expenditure adjustments will take over five to ten months. In this stage as in stage one, upper management and the HR department must clearly communicate the underlying purpose of the expenditure adjustments to the employees and state that they are trying to avoid implementing a more severe cost reduction method. Some of the best practices associated with this stage include:

• Extended Salary Reduction
• Voluntary Sabbaticals
• Employee Lending-When a company lends an employee to another company for a period of time

Stage Three: Long-Range Adjustments

These adjustments are necessary when a company needs to institute expenditure reductions for 11 to 24 months. This stage consists of practices implemented by the HR department. The cost reduction practices should focus on minimizing the impact on employees and downsizing in a way that layoff employees have a desire to return to the company when the economy rebounds. Some of the best practices associated with this stage are:

• Maintaining communication with laid-off employees
• Providing rehiring bonuses
• Providing stock option and severance packages
• Conducting Job fairs for displaced employees

Instructor Response:

The student has a clear project with this paper, but the problem is that the writer does not consistently integrate the sources into the paper. As a result, although there is a good layout within the paper, one does not know where the student begins and where the sources end. There is also a tendency in the paper to “report” information and not analyze interesting ideas that are evident in the paper.

An example of this would be when the student discusses “Stage One: Short Range Adjustments.” There is a list given of “best practices,” yet no explanation is given to the reader of what these practices are or why they are the best. The reader, therefore, must rely on his/her sense of inference to move along the paper.

The student compares/contrasts the Japanese with the Taiwanese approach, but notice how there is more information given about the former instead of the latter. In fact, the paper concludes that the Taiwanese method is just a matter of “voluntary terminations,” and nowhere in the paper is there any follow-up given on what happens to the Taiwanese workers. If the sources had been cited at more length, then the paper would have demonstrated more interest and effort on the part of the student.

An interesting feature to note about the paper is the absence of mechanical errors on the part of the student. If one looks at the A paper, the material is well-organized, but there are some occasional “blemishes” with the grammar.

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